Monday, March 2, 2009

carpe diem

right now i'm perfectly content with everything that i have in my life.

it hasn't been that long but i've diverted away from the whole date tip. and i'm actually proud of myself. i don't need a man right? yes, it is very nice to have someone but i think (right now in this current moment) i kinda don't want someone around. i'm happy chillin in bed watching movies, listening to music and reading books alone, (ps i'm totaly not turning into an emo girl) i like to think im carefree. i'm also trying my best to eliminate the little things in my life that stress me.

and this weekend. was great i loved every minute of it. going out with the girls friday getting hella loaded (sorry sheen) always fun.. then hella chill saturday with my parents and my little baby skomo ( i hella hella miss her.. i know not enough to take her back to seattle to live with me shut your face. i'm a horrible mom, i know) ended up getting stuck in some insane traffic left bremerton at 930 got home at 11. can we say insane? hah it's okay thought when i got home. i popped some popcorn and got hella into my book. (hella nerd status, i even put on the glasses) then sunday woke up early and chilled with my boyfriend, andrew it seems like it's been a long time since we've had a day like that chillin at barnes forever, costco then applebees! we are so fat! then we had a pleasent little run in with mr. stalker! i always love running into him. he is the male version of me. it's a little scary but i've accepted it. he always gives his full opinion of my life, not having a second thought of how it's going to make me feel ( but he is never ass holeish about it) i think i admire that most about him and i feel like that is why we get along so well, but still not well enought to call us freinds we are aquantences. (ahh it's complicated!)

anyways i'm happy:

+ i got to take a nap with my baby skomes (one of my many things i look forward to when going back to bremerton)

+ i want it all

+ i can seriously get lost in barnes

- shop therapy has been helping me be happy is that wrong? atleast i'm not turning to alcohol

+ so i've decided that from the remainder of this month i won't buy anymore books until i finish everything that i have now. its not that bad it's only like 3 books.. kinda. give or take .

+ also i'm only going to go out(as in get shit face-drunkie) on special events & the occational wednesday or when i just need that little fix for the rest of this month..(hah i know you're probably thinking ok. you'll proabbly need that fix every week, uhg! no! ) oh yeah and this excluedes dinner and lunch dates ( cause i need those, when i have lunch and dinner dates with friends i feel like they help to bring me closer to friends, it gives me a chance actually talk to them .. ahh whatever no explination needed but anyways i never plan on and i hardly ever get shit-faced on dinner or lunch dates) and yes i do know that its only the 2nd of march and i have a long way to go since there are 31 days this month. i can do it, it's what i want. i can do anything i set my mind to. so until the end of this month on official drunk night fridays will involve other activities then being little miss drunkie. -- party girl out, and saturday date nights are more chill and very bummy..

- i'm fucking hungry!

+ but this month i hope to work out more. party less, maybe take on a hobby, read more (help to expand my vocabulary) and just over all become a better person for myself.. (it's amazing what thoughts come out when i stay in, breath and take a step away from my life) and no i'm not depressed or sad in anyway i just wanna get away and out of the party girl scene and stereotype and i know i've been saying that for a long time ( i really do think i've toned it down alot. i went from going out 5 days a week to just 1 or 2 days big chage for me) and i feel like its time to really take it down a knotch.
i know you should never really care about what people say and what people think about you . and for the most part i don't just lately there have been a few random comments that have been shot my way and i actually really do take a little offense to them..(i guess the things that sucks most is that theses comments are from different people.) i know most are just random jokes and funn, but still even though i don't reveal it at the time it kinda hurts to hear somethings. or i dont know if hurt is the word.. but it bothers me. (there's always a little truth to every joke) i always think is that what you really think about me ? i always like to appear and be happy and care free i feel like if i'm happy then the people around me are happy. (eww i don't mean to get into this)

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